I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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