I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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