How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
