i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize