not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
