FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
