all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize