just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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