you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
