Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
