i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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