Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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