U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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