Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
