I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
