This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
