if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
