it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
