I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
