You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
babies were throwing up all over the place
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
