This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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