i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
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