Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
