Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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