Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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