So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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