I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
