I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
