Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I won the penis lottery.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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