Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
