Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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