we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
