dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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