my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
