careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
