I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dick very happy bro
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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