his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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