he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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