i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
