god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
