Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
