He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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