does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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