I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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