Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize