i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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