The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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