home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
