he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize