Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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