His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
