haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
