It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
