Your face is a jimmy john
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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