After last night, I could never be a politician.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
