She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
