there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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