is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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