Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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