My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
