I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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