Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize