just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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