You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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