Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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