Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
