You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
tell me about the eggs
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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