Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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