you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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