I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
