what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
