You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
