you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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